Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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