I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
