Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
