there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
