it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
