Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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