I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
