I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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