I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
