you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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