matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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