does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
