Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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