i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His hands were made for my vagina.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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