dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
