I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
