I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i out mim tonsoeep
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