Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
