New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
