i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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