she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
