Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
