Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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