Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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