I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
