I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
