yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
