There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
