I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
