In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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