and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
