Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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