Redeem this text for a blowjob
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
