Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
