That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
