He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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