I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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