Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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