he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
