don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize