Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
