This is not my ceiling
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize