i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
