I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
