how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
