I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
