If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
