Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
