Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
