Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
