Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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