she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
