he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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