From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
