She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
