Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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