How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
