I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
