If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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