His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
