The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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