I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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