I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
