I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
