i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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