I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
