Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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