Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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