I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
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we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.