my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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