Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
love makes seman taste better
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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