why didn't you poke me back
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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