I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
