Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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