and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
