ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You were trust falling into bushes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later