Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!