I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.