I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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