sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.