My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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