YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
