so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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