just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
