I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
