i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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