i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
