I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
