Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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