I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sorry my hands just texted you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
