A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
